When it comes to travel, yours truly is a hardcore explorer. My husband likes to travel too, but he equally likes his luxuries. We met 10 years ago at university, graduated together, moved abroad for our jobs (initially to separate countries) and got married four years ago. We have a shared interest in theatre, food and many other things. One of these things is travel. We love to travel extensively and milk our annual leave and public holidays to the limits to squeeze in that little city break, add another 24 hours onto our three weeks’ holiday or just escape for the day in our own country. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? There is just one little caveat: Giovanni likes to travel in comfort. Serious comfort and only comfort. I’m not so bothered. I like a nice hotel, but if I must rough it in a tent to complete that hike to a remote mountain, that’s what I will do.
Needless to say, that when it comes to holiday planning, we have disagreements. I am keen on off-the-beaten track destinations, he wants mobile reception and to be within easy reach from a town. I like to explore the local food joints, he is worried about safety and food poisoning. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? Not really. Over the 10 years we’ve been going on holiday together, we have found an excellent balance. I like to think of this as our Big Rules for travel. We pitch and challenge many ideas and always come to a great outcome that works for both. Admittedly, with over eight years of fulltime jobs under our belts, funds for travelling are a bit more available making options wider. But at the same time, annual leave is a precious commodity that we both want to make best use of. And we do!
If you recognise yourself in this situation, here is Big Rule number one: keep calm and keep on reading.
#1 ACCEPT A COMPROMISE
For many years, any destination outside Western Europe and Northern America was a no-go. I mentioned earlier about hubby’s fear of diseases and safety concerns. As a result, any country that had a note of caution on the Foreign Office’s travel advice or had a potential lack of medical facilities was not even up for discussion. We went to the Loire Valley, the Cinque Terre, many US national parks and other lovely, but not-so-eccentric destinations. However, we slowly began to mix some slightly more adventurous activities into our holidays and to try things that he would not naturally chose to include. A few days trekking as part of our Basque country trip, train journeys as opposed to the rental car, the occasional camping weekend. Last year we took the biggest leap so far: three weeks in South Africa and Swaziland. As part of the compromise, we hired a nice car and my husband handpicked all the hotels, including a fancy tented safari camp. But still, we went to Africa together – a huge achievement! The trip went well and we are even talking about a part two in a couple of years’ time to see more of the country.
#2 FIND A COMMON GROUND
Even though we don’t like to do things in the same way, we ultimately like the same things. We like the outdoors, we like to be active and we like to learn about the culture and history of the places we visit. This means a beach holiday is not an option for either of us. Nor is an organised trip that involves sitting in a bus and following the group. We prefer to go walking on our own, we enjoy spending a few days in a city and then escaping into the peace and quiet of the countryside. That’s a good start, isn’t it? As a result, we do lots of long hikes. I’ve made it my responsibility to do my homework and make sure we have a clear map, check there are no tricky scrambling bits and accept a leisurely walking pace. My husband, on the other hand, picks the nice accommodation and plans the wider route for the roadtrip. This arrangement worked especially well on a trip to Wyoming a couple of years ago. I was delighted about the long day hikes in Grand Teton and Yellowstone and, admittedly, equally pleased to wind down for the evening in nice lodge at a lakeside, not envious of the campsite at all. And so was hubby.
#3 DO THE WORK
The reaction I often get when proposing more off-the-beaten track ideas is as follows: fine. But you’re arranging it. That’s how the plan for our South Africa holiday came together. I’ve travelled in Africa extensively and I knew the one thing my husband was seriously envious of, is the safari experience. The prospect of seeing the Big Five was the one thing that would convince him, guaranteed. So I worked out a trip taking in the city experience of Cape Town and the luxury of the winelands, ending in a comfortable safari camp with small jeeps and good chances game viewing. I coupled this with a detour into Swaziland, hiking the canyons of Mpumalanga and a stay in a tiny wooden cabin at the oceanside and we were both perfectly happy.
#4 (OCCASIONALLY) LEAVE HIM AT HOME
Realistically, our choices will never 100% align when it comes to holidays and that is a good thing. We both like extremities in our own ways and, at risk of sounding cheesy, I suppose differences make us complimentary. One of my colleagues, who became a good friend, and I have a joint interest in West-Africa. We’ve been several times and have many more plans. For hardcore walking trips, I have a small group of usual suspects I team up with. And then there are the girls’ trips by train and city breaks with Mom. Similarly, hubby likes skiing with his mates, going away with his family and lads’ trips to the Moulin Rouge and its likes.
#5 EASE HIM INTO IT
Don’t take to big a leap at once if you are trying to get your other half into more adventurous travelling. Getting to this point has taken me ten years and a lot of patience. The first time we went camping, we went to The Netherlands, at an easy drive from home in case the weather would go bad. It will pay off. I will treasure the delighted look on my husband’s face when he stood eye to eye with a giraffe for the first time. This, he admitted, was one of the best moments of the South African holiday. And guess what? This was not in the luxurious safari camp with the small jeeps, but in a remote game reserve in Swaziland where visitors are literally given the key to the gate and left to their own devices. Five years ago, the proposal of a trip to South Africa would have been received with a fierce “no”. Today, we are talking about a next one and I recently caught hubby wondering if Thailand would be a good choice to get a flavour of Asia.
MY PERFECT HOLIDAY?
Despite these tips, I don’t want to create the impression that it is my mission to mould my husband into liking my perfect holiday. I have definitely adopted some of his preferences over time and he gets his way as often as I get mine. And the trips are equally memorable. We are planning a next trip to the USA as we speak. It will include a three days’ trekking on horseback and sleeping in tents. It will also include some nice lodges and a few days of excesses in Las Vegas. We’re both delighted about the prospect and we both agree we’ve picked up some good habits from each other.
What about your holidays with your other half? Do you apply some of these Big Rules too?
